Re reading some of my earlier journal entries and writings appears to be about as useless as writing about my thoughts and feelings in a journal in the first place. I learn nothing and change even less in my life. I actually go into the negative if that is possible. I literally owe myself. I’ve borrowed against myself and I can’t repay the precious time I’ve wasted. I change nothing and then do the same again … and of course the results are the same. Rocket Science no doubt but I crave an understanding. No … take that back … I do understand. What I crave is an “action” and the “will” to carry it out. Where is my will anyway? Have I no control over my own mind? How can a fully developed thought be left to perish, or even worse, thrive only in the mind as if it’s already been done in reality. Yet this stage of life sits quietly empty with no actors performing. The audience waits for the next scene to unfold not knowing of the struggle backstage to burst forth in change. Why is it so hard to age your life in a way that makes you feel content with who and where you are before going home for good? Be at rest and do your best to change … God determines the rest.
Socrates: “The unexamined life is not worth living” I think I examine too much.