As with any life threatening trial that enters our life it always comes with a commitment or a recommitment to that which we know in our hearts to be true. As my good friend, Robert, says it’s during these difficult times and trials in our life that we find out if our FAITH is truly genuine. I already knew the answer and I was not happy with it or having to have it proved to me by God in such a profound way. How glorious it would have been if I had God’s love and truth in my heart of my own free will and had been living like it prior. Instead I was ashamed and felt like the biggest underserving hippocrite that ever walked God’s green earth. It became quickly clear to me that I was in lane A in my life and God clearly wanted me in lane B. My life was not ordered right and I knew it must change. Change has never been easy for me and talk was always cheap but now it was time for action. I’ve been praying earnestly and reading the Bible daily and there is a calm that has come over me. My most urgent prayer now is for God’s help in never falling away from him again.
I didn’t make a bunch of promises to God of all the things I would change. I simply put those thoughts of what had to change in my heart daily where God could work with them on his own schedule and I trust him to show me the way to come into his presence that will not be fleeting but permanent. I ask God daily to take this cancer from me and allow me to make the right choices concerning treatment going forward to rid me of it. There will be no more decisions made solely by me in my life … only through prayer will I consider my path clear to proceed and only proceed where he puts in my heart that he wants me to go. I know it won’t be easy but I pray his Will be done and that I can be strong in my faith.
Yong and I have decided to head up to see our daughter, Jessica and our grandson Travis in South Dakota tomorrow. My son-in-law David is gone to training for a couple of months and we wanted to spend time there while we wait to have our first visit with my surgeon on March 8th.